How To Deal with Regrets in Life?

Question: 

Assalamu Alaykum

What should a Muslim man do if he has a lot of regret about bad decisions that he has made in his life like not doing things earlier in his life?

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-Salāmu ʿAlaykum Wa-Raḥmatullāhi Wa-Barakātuh

As human beings, we are prone to mistakes and shortcomings. Regret over wasted time and past decisions can be beneficial if it leads to repentance, correction, and positive action, rather than consuming a person.

A Muslim should distinguish between healthy regret and destructive regret. Healthy regret motivates a person to ask, “What can I do now to correct my mistakes and make better use of the time that remains?” Destructive regret makes a person believe, “I have ruined my life. It is too late.” The latter should be avoided, as a believer should never despair of the mercy of Allah ﷻ. Allah ﷻ says:

قُلۡ يَٰعِبَادِيَ ٱلَّذِينَ أَسۡرَفُواْ عَلَىٰٓ أَنفُسِهِمۡ لَا تَقۡنَطُواْ مِن رَّحۡمَةِ ٱللَّهِۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَغۡفِرُ ٱلذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًاۚ إِنَّهُۥ هُوَ ٱلۡغَفُورُ ٱلرَّحِيمُ ٥٣

“Say: O My servants who have transgressed against themselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, He is the Most Forgiving, Most Merciful.”[Zumar :53]

You cannot recover the years that have passed, but you can make good use of the time that remains. If you regret neglecting your development, begin now. If you regret shortcomings in worship, make sincere tawbah and strengthen your relationship with Allah ﷻ. If you regret missed opportunities, learn from them and become more purposeful in the future.

The important thing is not to spend today’s time mourning yesterday’s wasted time.

Allah ﷻ says:

وَمَن يَقۡنَطُ مِن رَّحۡمَةِ رَبِّهِۦٓ إِلَّا ٱلضَّآلُّونَ 56

And none despairs of the mercy of his Lord except those who are astray.
[Ḥijr: 56]

Nabi ﷺ said:

عن أبي هريرة قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: «….. احرص على ما ينفعك، واستعن بالله ولا تعجز، وإن أصابك شيء فلا تقل: لو أني فعلت كان كذا وكذا، ولكن قل: قدر الله وما شاء فعل، فإن لو تفتح عمل الشيطان.

“Strive for that which benefits you, seek the help of Allah, and do not feel helpless. If something befalls you, do not say, ‘If only I had done such-and-such, it would have been such-and-such.’ Rather say, ‘Allah decreed, and whatever He willed, He did.’”[Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 8/56]

This does not mean ignoring past mistakes. Rather, learn from them, correct what can be corrected, and leave what cannot be changed to Allah ﷻ.

Therefore:

What you can repair — repair it.
What you can still achieve — pursue it.
What you cannot change — accept Allah’s decree and move forward.

As a saying goes “Being older than you wish you were does not mean that you are too old to change your life”. A person may have wasted ten years and then use the next ten exceptionally well.

Do not make your goal, “I wish I had started earlier.” Make it:

“I will not be saying the same thing five years from now about the time I have today.”

What has passed is gone, but what remains is still an opportunity. Use it wisely, seek the help of Allah ﷻ, and do not allow regret over yesterday to prevent you from building a better tomorrow.

May Allah ﷻ forgive our shortcomings, accept our tawbah, bless the time that remains for us, and enable us to spend it in a manner that earns His pleasure. Āmīn.

And Allah Taʿāla Knows Best.

Baba Abu Bakr

Student –Darul Iftaa

Accra, Ghana

Checked and Approved by,

Mufti Muhammad Zakariyya Desai