Question:
My husband beating is me and he is very rude to me. He lied to me for several time. He has attraction on other woman also. if i want to say something about these thing he is beating me and using very bad language. i have got married for 11 year i have a child also. I love him don’t want to leave him but cant tolerate him and his attitude. he is not responsible even. he is doing very bad to my parents also. he is too rude. when he beats me i fell may be i will die but don’t know what will i do. i m trying a lot but he is still as he was. when he became angry he became evil to me as he wants to kill me. don’t know what will i do?
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-Salāmu ‘Alaykum Wa-Rahmatullāhi Wa-Barakātuh.
We are sorry to hear about the circumstances you find yourself in and the careless attitude of your husband towards you. Your query is a display of your courage and strength in dealing with your unfortunate circumstances and persevering through them.
Remember, there is great reward for the one who bears their tests and tribulations with sabr and steadfastness. Allah Ta’aala mentions in the Qur’an:
وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُمْ بِشَيْءٍ مِنَ الْخَوْفِ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِنَ الْأَمْوَالِ وَالْأَنْفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ * الَّذِينَ إِذَا أَصَابَتْهُمْ مُصِيبَةٌ قَالُوا إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ * أُولَئِكَ عَلَيْهِمْ صَلَوَاتٌ مِنْ رَبِّهِمْ وَرَحْمَةٌ وَأُولَئِكَ هُمُ الْمُهْتَدُونَ
“We will test you with a certain amount of fear and hunger and loss of wealth and life and fruits. But give good news to the steadfast, those who say when afflicted with a calamity To Allah do we belong and To Allah is our return.Those are the ones upon whom there are blessings from their Lord, and mercy as well, and those are the ones who are rightly guided.”
عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه قال قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم مَنْ يُرِدِ اللَّهُ بِهِ خَيْرًا يُصِبْ مِنْهُ
5321 صحيح البخاري
Abu Hurayra(RA) reported that the Messenger of Allah Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam, said, “If Allah wills good for someone, He afflicts him with trials.” [Al-Bukhari]
In another Hadith it is mentioned, No Muslim is afflicted with any harm, whether it is a thorn pricking him, but Allah expiates his evil deeds on that account and his sins fall away from him like leaves from a tree.
From these narrations we understand that Allah Ta’aala is not unaware of your condition, rather Allah will reward you for your steadfastness and perseverance if you are able to bear these tests with goodness, whilst focusing on Allah and being good to all around you. These tests are a means of increasing your status in the sight of Allah and bringing you closer to Him.
Abu Yahya Suhayb ibn Sinan said, “The Messenger of Allah Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam, said, ‘What an extraordinary thing the business of the believer is! In every situation there is good for him. And that only applies to the believer. If good fortune is his lot, he is grateful and it is good for him. If something harmful happens to him, he is steadfast and that is good for him too.’” [Muslim]
A Mu’min must be patient with what seems to be evil all around. However, that does not mean that we should sit still and do nothing to remove and change the evil, for the fight against evil is also one of the important aspects of Islam. What we are told is that we must not be impatient. We must pray to our Glorious Creator and plead with Him, so that our patience and faith may be strengthened and He may assist us remove our obstacles and tests.
You claim to still love your husband, and if you believe that he still has love for you, then wait for the opportune moment and approach him to discuss your feelings towards him. When he is calm and in a good mood, with softness and love try to speak to him about your fear and his treatment towards you. Try not to let emotions dictate the discussion nor control the outcome. Be open with him and allow him to be open regarding his issues and feelings towards you. It could be some other stress that he is undergoing that is causing him to react and treat you in such a manner. As husband and wife, you are a team and should work together towards overcoming the issues and combatting the problems. Remind him of the child you have together and how important it is to set a good example and display a healthy loving environment for the child to be brought up in. He may perhaps indicate some shortcoming of yours that is causing him to react in this way.
Mention the importance of displaying goodness towards each other as spouses. Allah Ta’aala explains in the Quraan that a wife should be kept with goodness. And if the husband is unable to keep her with goodness then he should let her go with goodness. Remind him of the narration wherin the Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam mentioned that ‘the best of you are those who are best to their wives, and I am the best among you towards my wives.’
However, if you feel that approaching him yourself will cause further destruction to you and to the relationship then you should approach an elder who has some influence over your husband and who will be a well-wisher for you to speak to him on your behalf and to mediate and counsel you and your husband. A local Imam or respected Aalim may also be approached in this regard. He should be reminded of the duties and character that is required of him as a husband and father.
We encourage that you begin implementing deeni activities within the house as a family, such as daily ta’leem. We recommend reading books such as Fadhaaile A’maal and other books discussing the life and conduct of the Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam and his illustrious companions. This will slowly bring about blessings and goodness within the house and among the family. Encourage your husband to spend more time involved in deeni activities, perhaps spending his weekends going out in Jamaat, or in the company of pious Ulema and spiritual guides. We will make dua that his attachment to these good actions will be a means of guidance for him and removal of his shortfalls.
Read two rakaats Salaatul Haajaat daily and plead with Allah to assist you and fulfill your wishes. The hearts of every person is within the control of Allah Ta’aala.
May Allah Ta’aala protect you from harm and injury and reward you for your perseverance and create a loving and caring environment within your home.
And Allah Ta’ala Knows Best.
Luqmaan Desai
Student Darul Iftaa
Pietermaritzburg
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Muhammad Zakariyya Desai.