Writing letters for one’s future unknown spouse

Question:

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

I would like to know if writing a letter to one’s future spouse without knowing them,one is not proposed,doesn’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend etc and they only plan on giving their spouse the letters after marriage,is it permissible?
Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-Salāmu ‘Alaykum Wa-Rahmatullāhi Wa-Barakātuh.

The concept of writing letters and reserving them for an unknown future spouse seems a harmless (and in fact commendable) one at first thought, however, it is well-documented that such an act may actually result in adverse psychological consequences.

Whilst outwardly the idea appears innocent enough, it can swiftly become a trigger for unrealistic expectations and inappropriate fantasies in one’s mind.

In addition, when writing such letters becomes a habit, it can lead one to feel as though they are forming an emotional connection with someone they do not even know exists. One’s emotions, thoughts and feelings are directed to a ‘person’ from the future whilst they still live in the present. This leads to an unhealthy obsession with the future and negligence of one’s current duties.

Furthermore, it can subconsciously lead to discontentment and frustration with the decree of Allah ﷻ when this imaginary idea of a spouse and a future relationship does not develop into a reality, or when there is seemingly a delay in it, which can be detrimental to one’s īmaan.

Accordingly, involving oneself in this action is highly discouraged due to the aforementioned reasons, although it is not in of itself impermissible. Instead, one should spend the time in bettering oneself and making du’a to Allah ﷻ for a pious, loving spouse.

When one’s future gains clarity and certainty with regards to a spouse, then there remains no issue with writing such letters, as it will become a means of increasing love and affection between the spouses.

We pray Allah ﷻ grants you a pious, loving spouse. Aameen.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best.

Abdullah ibn Masud Desai

Student Darul Iftaa
Blackburn, UK

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Muhammad Zakariyya Desai.